How to find light in times of darkness

March 23rd is my father’s birthday- he tragically took his life when I was nine.⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣
We’re not always blinded by our light, but by our darkness. For a long time, his loss penetrated the essence of my being, preventing me from seeing the light and a way out of my own suffering. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
For the majority of my life I felt responsible, unworthy, and unlovable. Maybe if I had told my father how much he meant to me more often, he wouldn’t have abandoned me and left me alone. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I subconsciously attracted toxic relationships and fell into patterns, such as drinking, drugs, workaholic syndrome (still working on that one) all because I was looking to avoid uncomfortable emotions and feelings. I bought into the illusion a man once sold to me that I could fill the void my father left in my heart and receive the love I longed for in exchange for sex- that only left me more broken than I already was at the time. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I subconsciously continued to attract partners that needed “fixing” so I could go back in time and play out saving and fixing my father.  I spent the majority of my life trying to heal my past in my current relationships, plastering a smile on my face but really longing for an escape from this thing called life. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
But somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that I was meant for more than suffering- We all are. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
It was in my darkest of times that I began to heal and nurture my wounds, allowing them to become beautiful scars, reminding me of my light. Rather than continue to avoid my pain, I danced into it, asking myself the questions needed to serve my growth.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣You can release crippling anxiety and fear when circumstances are out of your control.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
You can let go of the trauma fueling your unhealthy cycles and limiting beliefs. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

I know it’s scary to lean into the depths of your pain but it is the guiding light to your peace, clarity and freedom. ⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Let me show you the way.

Share this post

You may also like...

How to accept your fear, anxiety and panic

Anxiety and panic ran my life for a long time, trampling and stampeding on my heart with no remorse. ⁣⁣ My heart would race uncontrollably as I sobbed on my bed, clenching onto what once was my favorite deep purple quilt with raised flowers. As I gasped for air, I spiraled deeper into feeling confused,

Read More »

Spirituality and Trauma Healing ✨

I’m often asked “how is it that you’re not locked up in a white padded room after all you’ve been through?” I suppose those who know me figure that it’s a miracle that I’ve survived up until this point. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣Rather than list my multitude of traumas and elaborate on my severe PTSD in this

Read More »